Guest post by Prana Regina Barrett, B.S., M.I.A., E.R.Y.T, C.Y.T., author of Lighter: Living Tantra
~ On my way home from my qi gong lesson, I parked my car and began walking toward my house. I saw a man in his mid-30s walking toward me holding a black-eyed Susan. He looked at the flower, spinning it in his hand. He looked at me and pushed the flower through the air toward me and said, “This is for you.” I smiled, took the flower and thanked him. He continued on his way. There was no flirtation between us: just pure love and gratitude. His act of kindness came from a pure, childlike place in his heart. He made my day. This is Tantra. ~
A Solo Practice Foundation
I highly recommend a dedicated solo practice both before and while sharing energy with another person. I believe this is the best way to come into connection with others, feeling whole.
It is during solo practice that one can feel the full spectrum of the transformational and healing benefits of movement, sound and meditation practices.
When yoga became popular in the Western world, I recall discussions with people from India who, over and over again, shared that yoga was done as a solo practice in the home and was very private.
Today, in my practice, I realize why. It is because when taking the time to be alone and come into union with body, mind and spirit — the spirit of oneness — we can have a one-on-one relationship with God (or Goddess, Spirit, the Universe, Higher Power, Inner Wisdom). In this state of oneness, it is possible to experience all that is divine surrounding us, and within us.
Create time for your solo practice. Designate an area in your home that is kept clean, clear and free of distractions. Fill it with decor that inspires and relaxes you. Decide on a regular time that fits into your schedule. First thing in the morning tends to be the best time, before you get pulled into other projects. Your body, mind and spirit will love the routine.
For ideas for your solo practice, take regular classes and study with a master teacher of your choice. You can also use DVDs and podcasts to get ideas. Lie in savasana, close your eyes, breathe and do the poses, movements, meditations or chants that come to your mind’s eye.
Coming Into Connection with Another
When practicing Tantra, one’s energy field becomes lighter. This lightness results in a heightening of sensation. Come to a Tantra practice partner when you are grounded, clean and clear. From your highest place, I invite you to choose a partner (which may be the partner you are already with) by using clear and loving communication. You will most likely feel drawn to someone who might be open to such practices.
Ask that person if they are interested in exploring Tantra with you and discuss how you each see that unfolding. Will you simply practice together or are you exploring something deeper? In either case, be clear about how you would like your practice sessions to unfold. Would you like to create sacred space? Where will this be? What do you consider to be sacred space? Describe the room. Will there be music or no music? Candles? Scents? Surprises?
Discuss your preferences, if you have any, and also what you would prefer not to have present. For example, will your time include discussions about work? Will it include laughter, massage (share what body parts need attention beforehand so you can be present), intercourse or not, a check-in, talk of money, talk about children, trust, breathing, eye gazing, chanting, etc.
Eye Gazing
Eye gazing is a simple practice that deepens intimacy and connection. It can be done with anyone you come in contact with, simply by giving eye contact. It can also be done in a deeper way with your practice partner. It is the gateway to the soul.
Come together sitting in front of one another knees to knees (cross-legged). Prop pillows under your bottom and sit on the edge of your pillows. You can also sit in chairs if this helps to align your spine (helpful if your hamstrings are tight). Lower your knees until they are lower than your hips. Inhale and lengthen your spine. Imagine a string pulling the top of your head toward the Sky. Exhale and lengthen your tailbone toward the Earth. Imagine your tailbone reaching to the heart of the Earth. Feel your sits bones on your pillow. As Elysabeth Williamson of Principle-Based Partner Yoga suggests, imagine your pelvis is like an upside down teacup, slightly suctioning the Earth’s surface.
With internal awareness, begin to notice your breath. Take a few falling-out breaths. Inhale through the nose and exhale out the mouth with the mouth slightly open and the jaw soft. Let the exhale fall out with a sound, a low tone or a sigh. With each exhale, release thoughts of the past or any future plans. With each inhale, become more present in this moment for your partner practice.
Once centered, begin to raise your eyes and notice your partner sitting across from you. Soften your gaze so 50% of your awareness is on yourself and 50% of your awareness is on your partner. Always feel your connection to yourself and the Earth. If you feel you are moving too far out of your center, close your eyes and re-center yourself.
Some say the eyes are the gateway to the soul. Science now shows that the eyes do connect to neural pathways that hold memories of the past. You may see indications of past memories in your partner’s eyes. Hold your partner in compassion as you see where they have come from.
Now, I invite you to notice your partner in this moment. Who they are now?
Finally, notice their fullest potential. Who they are becoming as they transform?
Eye Contact
When you greet your partner, your neighbor or your coworker, notice if you are looking them directly in the eyes. If not, can you breathe into your next greeting and do so? Notice if you feel a different level of connection after eye contact.
The grounding and lifestyle practices shared throughout Prana’s book Lighter: Living Tantra will help you to remain centered and balanced as you embark on a Tantra lifestyle. Her book can be purchased at http://tantratolove.com/lighter-living-tantra-book/.
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